Sense and Stupidity: Jane Austen and the Courtship Culture

One thing I’ve noticed about courtship families (well, I’ve noticed a lot of things, but this is one of them): Courtship families, particularly the ones with a large over-balance of girls, LOVE Jane Austen! They list her novels as their favorite books (besides the Bible and I Kissed Dating Goodbye), they sew their own Regency-style dresses (though with slightly more fabric in certain places if you know what I mean), and they even hold their own officially-sanctioned “ballroom dancing” parties (all of which are solely attended by girls in said dresses who proceed to dance with each other in a way that is not considered homoerotic at all). In the courtship world, Jane Austen is a virtual heroine!

Now. If you’ve been reading this blog at all, I hope you’ve gathered the fact that, although I was raised according to “courtship” principles, I think that the courtship lifestyle is in fact very unhealthy and I in no way wish to court anyone or identity myself as a “courting” person. Check out...well, mostly all of the previous postings for more specifics on this fact. However, would I consider myself a Jane Austen fan? HECK YES. I do own the complete collection of her novels (though I have not read ALL of them yet—silly me) and I have seen movie or British TV adaptations for, I believe, all but one of her major works. I consider Miss Austen’s witty dialog, quirky characters, sense of humor, and intricate plot lines to be absolutely irresistible. And one of my all-time favorite movies is the 1995 BBC/A&E adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. (I mean, seriously. One word. Two syllables. MR. FREAKIN’ DARCY. IN THE LAKE.)

Ahem. Anyway. Being myself something of a “Janeite,” I in no way intend to criticize Austen novels or insinuate that enjoying her works is bad in any way. Quite the contrary. Rather, I wish to ponder what it is about Miss Austen’s novels that draw the courtship crowd to her like flies to a light bulb.

I think one reason that Jane Austen appeals to the courtship culture is because a basic biography of her life (Wikipedia, hee hee) makes her appear to be the kind of “Biblically-feminine” girl that the courtship world idealizes. I mean, who could better personify the courtship culture than an early-1800s English clergyman’s daughter who was educated at home, never moved away from her parent’s house, wrote novels from a home setting, and never got married? (although she always had kind of a thing for James McAvoy, apparently, although who wouldn't, lol). However, certain ironies appear when you consider that, although Jane Austen’s novel-writing lifestyle appears very traditional and “feminine” by modern-day standards, the idea of a woman becoming famous for her writing accomplishments was actually pretty radical and risqué for her age, and poor Jane received barely any non-posthumous recognition for her works. It kind of cracks me up that both the courtship/keep-daughters-at-home-forever advocates (I don’t know what these people officially call themselves, lol) and the literary-feminist bunch both cite Jane Austen’s novels as examples of their own particular belief system (and little me just thought the books were interesting and romantic).

Another reason that courtship families embrace Jane Austen so much is because, in the upper-class Regency world of her novels, “courting” actually was a normal part of the interaction between single men and women (notice I said A PART). Jane Austen’s protagonists, though always quirky, self-aware, independently-thinking women (at least by the end of the novel) generally achieve their happy endings by learning to balance their personal needs and desires with the pre-established courtship system that their society was grounded in. Their culture was guided by certain rules of propriety that were intended to keep women from having children out of wedlock and thus disrupting the family inheritance lines. Of course, there were certainly plenty of women who got fed up with those non-negotiable rules and decided instead to obtain the man they wanted in the worst way possible (Lydia Bennett much?) But I think it’s important to remember that the upper-class world of “courting” was far removed from the laxer and less formal standards held by most of the lower- or middle-class people of that time (and I should totally provide a source for that, but I totally don’t feel like finding one right now…). Additionally, the upper-class Regency world (UNLIKE the 2010 courtship culture) recognized that men and women need some basic ways to interact prior to entering into an official courtship relationship. Hence, the reason that pretty much 80% of any given Austen novel takes place during social events such as balls or “supper and cards” parties that were deliberately designed to provide singles with a chance to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. They also realized that allowing couples a chance to touch in non-sexual ways can actually be conducive to a good relationship; it was not considered lust-inducing or “emotionally impure” to enjoy a beautiful contradance together, and men were actually expected to offer women their arms when walking. You’d never catch a modern-day courtship parent sipping punch on the sidelines while every young man in the room dances with their daughter.

It’s also worth pointing out that many Jane Austen protagonists do things that are in fact NOT in line with the basic ideals of the courtship movement (which sometimes makes me wonder how closely the courtship/Austen fans actually read her novels). For instance, the first time that Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth Bennet, he does NOT ask Lizzy’s dad for permission to propose to or even “woo” Lizzy. And after his proposal, Lizzy does NOT tell her parents about it. In fact, Jane Austen women in general do not have the intimate, transparent mother-daughter relationship that is promoted by books such as Carolyn Mahaney & co’s book “Girl Talk” (usually because their mothers are either dead, or complete and total wackadoodles). Instead, you see Jane Austen women forging their closest non-romantic bonds with young women in their same generation: Jane and Lizzy, Elinore and Marianne, etc. How are they coping without their mothers’ constant advice on every subject in the world, and without confessing their crushes and so forth to their mothers?

So, basically, the IRONY. The courtship culture presents the reading of Jane Austen as yet another thing in a long list that good, Biblical, feminine, courting women do. And yet Miss Austen’s novels were written almost 200 years before the Christian courtship movement even began, and I’m pretty sure she would never have wanted to become a sort of literary poster child for a way of life that would have prevented the successful romantic matches in her novels from ever taking place. So maybe it’s time to stop using Miss Austen’s works to make us feel better about our courting selves, and instead simply enjoy them for what they are: well-written, satisfying, and classic stories with some very realistically drawn characters, and, let’s be honest, some pretty likeable guys. :)

(De-hypocritizing side note: Once some friends [all girls], my sisters and I dressed up in Regency-ish attire and had a ballroom-dancing party of our own. [And actually half of us dressed up as guys. So. Yeah.] The reason that the ballroom-dancing parties that I mentioned in the first paragraph annoy me is because they are freely publicized events [whereas there would be several attempted-murders committed if I put our ballroom-dancing photos on Facebook] that are hosted by people who have not really made it a secret that they think their way of doing things is the only “right” way to do them. Ergo, woe to all those girls who happen to feel that attending an all-female “dance” is kind of...odd, and prefer instead to go canoeing, watch a movie, or even [gasp] go on a date with an actual guy!)

-Violet