Poetry

Here is a poem of sorts that I wrote a few weeks ago. In all honesty, it is probably very naive and unrealistic...but I felt that I wanted to post it anyway.

"[Title That I Don't Have Yet lol]"

So late last night when I was home alone
And shaking out the laundry with a spark
You flashed into my mind and in the dark
I saw a world: talking on the phone

And walking in the rain, and telling one
By one our secrets, dining late at night
And staying snug in bed when it is light
And all those things that I have never done

‘Cause I am always outside looking in
But doing chores last night I swear I found
Our clothes together tumbling round and round
And closed my eyes and felt the world spin

‘Cause don’t you know, the night gets kind of cold
With echoes going round inside my head
I see my life and I feel kind of dead
‘Cause everything is safe and nice and old

Capri’s, vacations, pets, and weekend chores:
There must, there must be more to life than this
‘Cause it was really fun when we were six
But—dare I say it?—now I’m really bored

But maybe hope is shining like a star
‘Cause we are not entirely our fault
And just perhaps, beneath this echoing vault
Of sky you’re out there, bright and real and far

-Violet

let's be honest here-the ins and outs of a first hand courtship mentality refugee

[And yes, the article is longer than the title surprisingly :)]

I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)

Do you see my point?

Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.

(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)

-Meg

TDOC, Chapter 6: Would You Like Some Legalism With That?

And, dear reader, the problems go on. Other courtship-related dangers have to do with the often unmentioned consequences of choosing the courting lifestyle. For instance, I believe that courting can very easily become more about one’s personal status as a family in the Christian community, rather than being about doing what you honestly believe God wants you to do. Essentially, stating that your family is a “courting” family is merely a way of stating that your family wants to belong to a certain type of peer group, and be considered as certain types of people, in a manner similar to stating “Our family is a homeschool family,” “Our girls are modest girls,” or “Our family only watches G-rated movies.” It’s certainly worth mentioning that there are tons of perfectly legitimate Christian families who love their children deeply, but have never considered the courtship system to be ideal for them, or even remotely realistic. Like quite a good number of things often lauded by some people as “the Christian way,” the courtship system is largely a white, middle/upper-class, two-parent family, American custom. So basically, I usually try to avoid using the L-word, because it has largely become one of those blanket terms that people throw around when they can’t think of a better way to insult someone, and ergo has lost most really useful meaning. So whether or not there is a possibility of legalism lurking in the dark corners of the courtship system shall be for you, dear reader, to judge.