In 1964 John Lennon listened to rock music. As a result of this he smoked pot. As a result of that he wanted a girlfriend. As a result of that he had sex. As a result of that, Bill Gothard heard about it. (Although how he did no one quite knows.....) As a result of this we have courting.
The end.
-Meg
postscript: THIS IS HIGHLY SARCASTIC. I love John Lennon.
Showing posts with label Meg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Meg. Show all posts
Monday, April 26, 2010
let's be honest here-the ins and outs of a first hand courtship mentality refugee
[And yes, the article is longer than the title surprisingly :)]
I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)
Do you see my point?
Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.
(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)
-Meg
I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)
Do you see my point?
Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.
(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)
-Meg
boys, girls, and sex: the vicious cycle
In the whole world of courtship-minded people (basically homeschoolers who have graduated) boys and girls are not allowed to have any communication outside of a relationship. Now, parents may not say that in so many words cause when they do they sound FREAKING MUSLIM. But nonetheless, it's what they communicate. Then, because they raise their children this way, any touch between a girl and a boy-even bumping of feet say-becomes sexual. Therefore, said boy and girl can't really be left alone because they've been raised such that alone=sex, making courtship necessary. It's a vicious cycle.
I know what I'm talking about, I was raised in the courtship world. Oh-not that my mom would admit that we were-because most "courting families" are legalistic, which we certainly.are.not. (Do you hear the drip drip of sarcasm in my voice?) But nonetheless we essentially are a courting family, much to my chagrin I assure you. I was not raised to view boys as friends. In the attempt to keep my mind from thinking of boys at all, I have instead been taught to only think of boys in a relationshiop sense-and so the cycle goes on. This just simply isn't a healthy way to view guys-always weighing in my mind would I date them or not. Gosh. This is just wrong. My normally raised friends can view guys as just friends to hang out with, not potential soul mates. This oh-so-pure courtship has ultimately ruined my mind.
Courtship was created to keep girls' minds pure and their hearts on God until they are married, or so I'm sure the original intent was. And for the most narrow-minded, unindependently thinking girls I'm sure it works. But I was raised to think on my own, I am my own person. My parents were inconsistent in raising us halfway in one mentality and halfway in the other. The "freedom" of courtship has become my bond.
Vicious cycle much, right?
-Meg
I know what I'm talking about, I was raised in the courtship world. Oh-not that my mom would admit that we were-because most "courting families" are legalistic, which we certainly.are.not. (Do you hear the drip drip of sarcasm in my voice?) But nonetheless we essentially are a courting family, much to my chagrin I assure you. I was not raised to view boys as friends. In the attempt to keep my mind from thinking of boys at all, I have instead been taught to only think of boys in a relationshiop sense-and so the cycle goes on. This just simply isn't a healthy way to view guys-always weighing in my mind would I date them or not. Gosh. This is just wrong. My normally raised friends can view guys as just friends to hang out with, not potential soul mates. This oh-so-pure courtship has ultimately ruined my mind.
Courtship was created to keep girls' minds pure and their hearts on God until they are married, or so I'm sure the original intent was. And for the most narrow-minded, unindependently thinking girls I'm sure it works. But I was raised to think on my own, I am my own person. My parents were inconsistent in raising us halfway in one mentality and halfway in the other. The "freedom" of courtship has become my bond.
Vicious cycle much, right?
-Meg
Saturday, April 24, 2010
welcome!
We are Violet and Meg. Those are not necessarily our real names, but they are the names by which you will know us. We are on a mission to purge the world of stupidity in most areas of life, from the remote reaches of our laptops. You will be the judge of whether or not we succeed. We also like movies. Welcome aboard young padawans!!!
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