Because some people just like to have a foil...

I have recently discovered, through Facebook, a blog written by a girl that I knew in middle/high school through an extracurricular program. I'm not going to reveal this girl's name or link to her blog, because obviously I don't want her to know what I think about it, and also because I currently prefer a certain amount of anonymity on this blog. However, there really are tons of blogs like hers out there, and I think that the following sums up the essence of her blog fairly well: it consists mainly of a few snippets of home life, her convictions about modesty, her conviction that TV is ungodly, her conviction that public school is evil, her convictions about homeschooling, her convictions about childbearing, her convictions about sheltering future children, etc. etc. She has links on her blog to various organizations including Vision Forum and No Greater Joy ministries.

The wierd thing is that, when I knew this girl as a teenager, she was homeschooled/Christian-schooled sort of alternatively, and she always seemed to be one of the more "normal" hs/cs girls. If Facebook photos are any reasonable guide, she seems to have retained this normality up until the time of her marriage. She went away to a secular college, got engaged at age 19, and got married about 1 year later. Then, hey presto! she starts wearing only long skirts and dresses, wearing a head covering all the time, using less makeup, and planning to leave her part-time tutoring job in a few weeks to become a full-time homemaker (even though they don't have any kids yet--and she actually doesn't use birth control, but is having some sort of fertility issue which I didn't read about because that is a little TMI). And get this--because of an issue with her husband's job, they are going to move back to her parents' (quite rural) hometown, and will temporarily (but not that temporarily, considering the plans she has for gardens and such) live in her parent's basement. Do you see the implication there? If she is going to become a full-time homemaker, that means that when her husband goes off to work each day, she will essentially be home all day, alone with her parents.

The world is an interesting place, isn't it? I guess all I have to say is that I'm happy and all for the enjoyment she seems to be currently obtaining from the head covering, etc., but if you look at the Facebook photos you see clearly that she dressed in a perfectly fashionable, normal way while she was still single. It was only after she had successfully secured a husband that the skirts and so forth became God's will for her apparently. I'm sure she geniunely believes that she is following God by dressing in such an odd way, but it's easy for her to do, because she already has a husband who I'm sure loves her very much and thinks she is beautiful no matter what she is wearing. It's easy for her to not work at all outside the home, because her husband earns enough money to meet their expenses (not to mention the whole living-with-parents situation). But poor single moms or lower-income families who don't possess this economic luxury! And poor, poor single girls who imitate her style of dress prior to marriage, and thus get shoved even deeper into the pit of social isolation.

The really sad thing about this is that many people of my acquaintance would look at this girl's blog and remark on what a mature person they think she is (far more mature than myself, for instance). I mean, look at her self-assurance! Her convictions! Her counter-cultural stance! Her internalization of good parental values! However, just because I've spent the past three years watching Disney and BBC miniseries instead of developing a meaningful relationship, it doesn't mean that I am any less mature than she is. If anything, I would suggest that this girl is incredibly, vastly naive. To believe that a way of life completely inaccessible to the vast majority of the world's population is "God's way," IMO, demonstrates an utter lack of understanding about the basic ways in which the world operates.

Because, seriously, getting married and not having to work or save money, but instead spending the day walking around in swishy skirts, reading, gardening, and making the house pretty would not be entirely devoid of fun. But we do not all have her engaged-at-19 good fortune. And we're certainly not going to get it by means of the lifestyle she advocates.

However, I'm sure as heck going to be an avid reader of her blog in the immediate future. Because it can serve as a very instructive warning to me of a path that I should NOT go down, should I ever obtain the safety and security of a "good" marriage. And because, as one can observe from Jane Austen, some people just like to have a foil.

-Violet

42 Signs You Might Be Living in "the Christian Bubble"

Don't you just LOVE these list things? :) I was totally going to precede this with a bunch of disclaimers (because, lol, one of the signs you might be living in the Christian Bubble is that you have always been surrounded by so many over-sensitive people that you feel the need to "disclaim" everything you do and say) but I have class in a few minutes, so I'm just going to post this now in all its controversiality. But I will say that this is supposed to apply to people around my age (obviously, some of these things, like the non-alcoholic one, would not be a problem for someone who is, like, 12) and that it is meant to apply specifically to girls (although some of the things are non-gender-specific) and that, while my list contains original items, I totally scammed this idea from the "SGM Survivors" blog. However, this is a more general list--you may totally have grown up without any exposure to SGM and still exhibit these types of behaviors.

So without further ado...
"42 Signs You Might Be Living in 'the Christian Bubble'"

1.You think that if you ever wore pants, you would automatically cause all males within a 50-mile radius to become inflamed with uncontrollable sexual lust for you.
2.You are arrogant enough to believe that your pant-covered legs are sexy enough to generate that amount of lust.
3.The idea has never entered your head that wearing pants is a heck of a lot better than…not wearing pants.
4.You actually think that “godly” young guys would find librarian-style buns on the heads of 18-year-old girls to be remotely attractive. (hey, not to say that all librarians are unattractive or anything! Because I have noticed some pretty nifty-lookin’ [male!] librarians in my time! [OK, just one. But. Anyway])
5.You think that Jesus had blonde hair and Edward-Cullen-style skin.
6.No, you don’t. You don’t know who Edward Cullen is.
7.You can’t think of an example of your parents ever sinning.
8.You honestly believe you can tell your parents anything.
9.You think your parents’ courtship story is “so sweet,” you regularly quiz your mother about it, and you see absolutely nothing creepy about this…
10.The only Internet acronym you understand is “lol.”
11.You and your mother share an email address.
12.You mother knows the password to your Facebook account.
13.Your gender ratio of Facebook friends (female:male) is about 125:3.
14.You don’t have a Facebook account.
15.What’s Facebook?
16.You’ve never understood what people mean by “that’s what she said.”
17.You consider music by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and/or Paul Baloche to be “non-Christian.”
18.You don’t judge non-homeschoolers. You just pray for them extra, extra hard.
19.You find it embarrassing to say the word “period.”
20.You think “crap” is a bad word.
21.You can’t believe I just said a bad word on my Christian blog.
22.You’ve never had a hair cut.
23.You’ve never owned a cell phone.
24.You’ve never been to a sleep-over.
25.You’re 18 years old and still don’t have a driver’s license.
26.Your parents have actually made you break off a friendship with another girl because she liked to talk about boys.
27.The past few weeks you have really been experiencing some suffering for Christ. You informed a friend at church that she was dressing immodestly, and now she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
28.You’ve had your heart broken once. A guy once talked to you for 20 minutes together after evening church service. Unfortunately, he didn’t propose to you the next day.
29.Stuck between the impossible options of surviving the moral anarchy and irresistible temptations of secular college, paying the GDP of a small European country for Christian college, and marrying a guy at 19 without ever talking to one, you have elected to live in your parent’s house and study the homemaking arts during your years of singleness. Oh, sorry, you knew all along that was God’s best for single daughters. My bad.
30.You listen to Majesty Music on a regular basis.
31.As a child, you weren’t allowed to watch Aladdin or the Lion King.
32.You consider the works of J.R.R. Tolkein, C.S. Lewis, and/or Madeline L’Engle to be New Age and/or demonic and/or evil.
33.You have never seen Star Wars, Titanic, Indiana Jones, The Lord of the Rings, and/or a James Bond movie.
34.Avatar? What’s that?
35.Your parents didn’t give you “the talk” until you were about 15.
36.You got an education from reading Song of Solomon.
37.You seriously feel like you have a problem with sexual lust.
38.Sure you have unsaved friends! Why else do you go with your family to the local retirement home every week?
39.Sure you’ve tried an alcoholic beverage! Your family visited a Presbyterian church once.
40.Sure you’ve been to movie theaters! Facing the Giants ftw!
41.Sure you know how to function in the “real world”—you know the right way to do everything!

And last but not least…
42.You don’t think you are living in the Christian bubble.

-Violet

TDOC, Chapter 1: The Lost Generation

I do realize that I have just entitled this little number “An Essay,” but allow me to commence by asking your permission to be a little flexible with the genre and share a narrative story of sorts. The story goes as follows. There was once a girl who always did well in school, mostly for the reason that she had basically no life, and who also had big dreams of having some sort of vaguely-defined adventurous experience, probably due to the fact that she had read far too many books over the years whose titles began with the phrase “The Adventures Of.” Time, after all, being rather otherwise than static, this girl eventually graduated from high school and attended her home school high school graduation. As her various (non)classmates share their journeys, hopes and aspirations for the future, she cringes as most of them recite a long list of grades, competitions and clubs, and she looks nervously down at her statement, which according to the recommendations of her mother consists mostly of “Violet is so grateful to her family.” However, as the ceremony drags on and on in a very boring way, she begins to notice another trend in the statements of the feminine segment of the graduating class: girl after girl describes their future plans as simply wanting to get married and have children. Imagine that! The girl tosses her head and congratulates herself on the fact that she is not like those frivolous and shallow-minded other girls. She has not wasted one moment of her teenage years on boys, dating, and the subsequent emotional damage. Rather, she has spent this time on more important things, such as preventing Awana children from killing themselves in the church parking lot, watching a set collection of about 20 VHS’s, and cleaning out the family garage an insane number of times. Right now, she is going to attend a local college, write the great American novel, and participate in as many short-term mission trips as possible. As she mounts the platform to receive her hard-earned diploma, a surge of emotional elation, or maybe adrenaline, courses through her, and she realizes the immense potential that such an decidedly single individual as she is going to bring to the world.
Fast-forward to almost exactly three years later. The very same girl, once so ecstatic and confident, is now basically an insecure, confused, 21-year-old emotional basket-case who is beginning this essay, which she will most probably never share with anyone, at 1:45 in the morning on a Friday night. What happened? No one knows for sure, but it is evident that this girl has realized that a life consisting solely of college, mission trips, and yes, even writing gets really old after a while. This girl has almost no male friends of any sort, and has at least 4 unanswered friend requests on Facebook because they are from acquaintances of the male persuasion, and last time she befriended a very, very casual male acquaintance on Facebook her mother interrogated her about it. After college graduation, which will occur in approximately one year, this girl plans to get a job in town and try to earn some money. This girl looks back at diary entries she wrote around the time of high school graduation, and feels that she is reaping what she has sown. This girl, by the way, is me. And, although she asked her dad a few days ago exactly where her family lay on the spectrum of dating vs. courtship and her dad told her he hadn’t really thought about it yet, her dad stated that definitely, if the question is made into a dichotomy, this girl’s family is a courting family.
This otherwise rather pointless little narrative makes a very nice cognitive connection to the real topic of this essay, which I have entitled “The Dangers of Courtship.” Ah, I’ve tricked you there, haven’t I. You thought I was going to say “The Dangers of Dating.” Alas, dear reader, alliteration is only the first of many things you shall be forced to dispense with when reading this essay. But I feel that you are fully capable of dealing with said deprivation. After all, I now feel that I’ve been living rather some time without any indication that my life would ever consist of anything more romantic than walking the family dog.