"Butterflies"

So these are some song lyrics I wrote for our as-yet-nonexistent band. (Pray do not ask me for the tune, as I am utterly incapable of creating a tune of any kind, lol) And I do have to admit that a little John Keats snuck in there, but it's not scamming, it's a reference, right? ;)

It's vaguely based on a girl that I have never met, but that 2 of my sisters have and whom I have heard about and seen photos of on other peoples' Facebooks (she doesn't have her own account, naturally).

"Butterflies"

VERSE 1
So I’ve just seen the strangest sight
‘Cause I saw you at church last night
Standing shyly there
Across the room
Your grandma’s shoes and wrinkled skirt
Four buttons on your polo shirt:
They wrapped you up
Like a cocoon.
I couldn’t smile on your behalf
But neither could I think to laugh;
I looked at me
When I saw you

CHORUS
How I wish that you and I
Were multi-colored butterflies
We’d float away forever in a jewel-like sky.
‘Cause when I look at you and I
I swear to God, it makes me cry
Let’s spread our wings and soar so high

VERSE 2
Well in a sense you’re not alone
They used to dress me, too, at home
And so I know
What you must be
They snatch your beauty and your smile
And dress you in this dowdy style
In the name of God
And modesty
But in the name of all that is
Who lets you leave the house like this?
Don’t they know how sad
You are to see?

CHORUS
How I wish that you and I
Were multi-colored butterflies
We’d float away forever in a jewel-like sky.
‘Cause when I look at you and I
I swear to God, it makes me cry
Let’s spread our wings and soar so high

VERSE 3
And soon the years will slip unseen
You’re twenty-four and still fourteen
And safe from grown-up
Life and lust,
But you will never find yourself
‘Cause you’re a doll upon their shelf
Is this right?
And is this just?
They’ll stuff your head with silly lies
‘Til real life takes you by surprise
And what will happen,
Then, to us?

CHORUS
How I wish that you and I
Were multi-colored butterflies
We’d float away forever in a jewel-like sky.
‘Cause when I look at you and I
I swear to God, it makes me cry
Let’s spread our wings and soar so high.

-Violet

let's be honest here-the ins and outs of a first hand courtship mentality refugee

[And yes, the article is longer than the title surprisingly :)]

I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)

Do you see my point?

Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.

(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)

-Meg

boys, girls, and sex: the vicious cycle

In the whole world of courtship-minded people (basically homeschoolers who have graduated) boys and girls are not allowed to have any communication outside of a relationship. Now, parents may not say that in so many words cause when they do they sound FREAKING MUSLIM. But nonetheless, it's what they communicate. Then, because they raise their children this way, any touch between a girl and a boy-even bumping of feet say-becomes sexual. Therefore, said boy and girl can't really be left alone because they've been raised such that alone=sex, making courtship necessary. It's a vicious cycle.
I know what I'm talking about, I was raised in the courtship world. Oh-not that my mom would admit that we were-because most "courting families" are legalistic, which we certainly.are.not. (Do you hear the drip drip of sarcasm in my voice?) But nonetheless we essentially are a courting family, much to my chagrin I assure you. I was not raised to view boys as friends. In the attempt to keep my mind from thinking of boys at all, I have instead been taught to only think of boys in a relationshiop sense-and so the cycle goes on. This just simply isn't a healthy way to view guys-always weighing in my mind would I date them or not. Gosh. This is just wrong. My normally raised friends can view guys as just friends to hang out with, not potential soul mates. This oh-so-pure courtship has ultimately ruined my mind.
Courtship was created to keep girls' minds pure and their hearts on God until they are married, or so I'm sure the original intent was. And for the most narrow-minded, unindependently thinking girls I'm sure it works. But I was raised to think on my own, I am my own person. My parents were inconsistent in raising us halfway in one mentality and halfway in the other. The "freedom" of courtship has become my bond.
Vicious cycle much, right?

-Meg

TDOC, Chapter 9: I'm Standing Here Doing Nothing But Aging

The final bit! I promise!

Whilst vigorously searching the Internet to hear other people’s opinions on this topic, I was disappointed to see that, while there are literally dozens of websites and blogs dedicated to promoting the ideals of courtship, there is virtually nothing that even mentions the possibility of courtship having a darker side (except for the occasional Christian-betrothal advocate, who believes that the courtship system is too worldly and permissive—but that is truly another story). Consequently, I don’t know if there is anyone out there (with the exception of my sister) who has the same insider view on the courtship world, and feels the same way about it as I do. So to all you parents who believe that courtship is the only option for raising godly children, do consider my story and think of me once in a while. Think of me, who was tirelessly protected from the dangers of emotionally damaging break-ups, irresistible sexual temptation, and basic cultural competence, but was left totally vulnerable to something that often feels just as dangerous: the probability of long, long years ahead filled with female friends, Christian service, parental involvement, and complete and utter loneliness. Think of me, who seriously had nothing better to do than write this stupid article. And to all you shining-eyed sixteen-somethings who think I am just being whiny: grab a coffee with me in about 5 years, and we’ll talk. However, if there is anyone else out there who reads this and can sympathize with it, know that my heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone in your loneliness. Know that there is at least one other person on planet Earth who is trapped, like you, between the high expectations of well-meaning parents, and an outside world that was never designed to accommodate those expectations. We are capable of understanding each other, because we are the ones who sat at home on Friday nights and cleaned the bathrooms while all our friends ate in fancy restaurants or went on long walks in the park. We are the ones who have stayed up late countless nights as if we could convince ourselves that another day was not going to pass by in which nothing had changed for the better. We are the ones who will probably spend the rest of our lives babysitting our neighbors’ children and ironing our fathers’ shirts, while every hour that passes makes it more and more unlikely that a change will ever come along. And at the risk of sounding melodramatic, we are the lost generation.

-Violet