TDOC, Chapter 7: A Good Man is Hard to Find

Some people seem to have the attitude that if they conform to all the high standards of courting, refrain from having any relationships while in high school, and don’t act in any way that is geared to attract the attention of the opposite sex, that God is therefore obligated to create their ideal wife or husband made-to-order, and promptly drop him or her off on their doorstep the day after high school graduation. This is perhaps one of the saddest things about the whole thing, and I don’t want to talk about it much because it makes me really depressed. And anyway I’m sure that if you have actually made it this far in the essay, you’re probably really wanting me to wrap it up. Suffice it to say that the immediate appearance of a potential spouse who will satisfy both your parent’s expectations and your own basic emotional needs is a blatant fiction. In my case, for example, there has always been a very definite lack of potential spouses, ideal or otherwise, but I know that even if one did show up, I would never want to marry the kind of guy that genuinely believes in courtship. But neither would I want to ask a guy to formulate our entire relationship around a process that he does not genuinely believe in. But, obviously, my parents would never let me have a relationship with a guy that is not a courtship relationship. And thus the vicious cycle continues.

TDOC, Chapter 4: The Inevitable Sex Question

Of course, not all of the above is necessarily bad. For instance, fathers do have a charge to protect their daughters, and it’s really not a good idea to pursue a romantic relationship if you know there is no chance of marriage ever coming out of it. However, I would now like to highlight what I, in my totally inexperienced and hypothetical view, see as some of the very palpable dangers of the courting system. First of all, one of the main reasons cited for choosing the courting system is the belief that chaperoned courting will prevent the couple in question from giving in to their baser urges and having sex before marriage (which I do believe is wrong, so don’t go telling everybody that I advocate it). According to the courting view, ensuring that the couple never spends time together unchaperoned is absolutely essential, because, were the couple to be alone together, even if they are in their 20s and have already been pubescent for several years, they would without fail abandon their personal beliefs, loose all control of their bodily functions, and forget how very inconvenient a possible pre-marital pregnancy is in the courting community, and would promptly break out into spontaneous sex, even on the seats of the movie theater during the louder bits of the movie, and if corner booths in reputable restaurants could talk! However, this view seems to me to belie a central component of Christian doctrine: the idea that God is capable of helping you control yourself when faced with temptation. Courting parents generally expect God to help their children submit to authority, keep their rooms clean, have a patient attitude with younger siblings, and not create online internet viruses that wreak havoc on the national economy, but for some reason, they don’t trust God to help their children not have pre-marital sex. I honestly have to question what it is about this particular sin that requires such special treatment.