Yay!!!
-Violet
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Happy Thoughts
So...I'm beginning to feel that this blog needs a happy post for once, one that does not attempt to address the problems of the world. So. Here is a happy thought!
Yay!!!
-Violet
Yay!!!
-Violet
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
This is Edward...my prince.
Question.
If you are a courting girl and don't like the terms "dating" or "boyfriend," then precisely what do you call your significant other? I've heard (IRL!) the terms "best friend," and yes, even "Prince Charming" (gag) used in a VERY cheesy way. (Because "best friend" has too much of a first-grade ring to it, and "Prince Charming" is a phrase that should NEVER be used outside of a Disney movie. Just sayin'.)
What lovely examples, O Reader, have you seen?
-Violet
If you are a courting girl and don't like the terms "dating" or "boyfriend," then precisely what do you call your significant other? I've heard (IRL!) the terms "best friend," and yes, even "Prince Charming" (gag) used in a VERY cheesy way. (Because "best friend" has too much of a first-grade ring to it, and "Prince Charming" is a phrase that should NEVER be used outside of a Disney movie. Just sayin'.)
What lovely examples, O Reader, have you seen?
-Violet
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sense and Stupidity: Jane Austen and the Courtship Culture
One thing I’ve noticed about courtship families (well, I’ve noticed a lot of things, but this is one of them): Courtship families, particularly the ones with a large over-balance of girls, LOVE Jane Austen! They list her novels as their favorite books (besides the Bible and I Kissed Dating Goodbye), they sew their own Regency-style dresses (though with slightly more fabric in certain places if you know what I mean), and they even hold their own officially-sanctioned “ballroom dancing” parties (all of which are solely attended by girls in said dresses who proceed to dance with each other in a way that is not considered homoerotic at all). In the courtship world, Jane Austen is a virtual heroine!
Now. If you’ve been reading this blog at all, I hope you’ve gathered the fact that, although I was raised according to “courtship” principles, I think that the courtship lifestyle is in fact very unhealthy and I in no way wish to court anyone or identity myself as a “courting” person. Check out...well, mostly all of the previous postings for more specifics on this fact. However, would I consider myself a Jane Austen fan? HECK YES. I do own the complete collection of her novels (though I have not read ALL of them yet—silly me) and I have seen movie or British TV adaptations for, I believe, all but one of her major works. I consider Miss Austen’s witty dialog, quirky characters, sense of humor, and intricate plot lines to be absolutely irresistible. And one of my all-time favorite movies is the 1995 BBC/A&E adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. (I mean, seriously. One word. Two syllables. MR. FREAKIN’ DARCY. IN THE LAKE.)
Ahem. Anyway. Being myself something of a “Janeite,” I in no way intend to criticize Austen novels or insinuate that enjoying her works is bad in any way. Quite the contrary. Rather, I wish to ponder what it is about Miss Austen’s novels that draw the courtship crowd to her like flies to a light bulb.
I think one reason that Jane Austen appeals to the courtship culture is because a basic biography of her life (Wikipedia, hee hee) makes her appear to be the kind of “Biblically-feminine” girl that the courtship world idealizes. I mean, who could better personify the courtship culture than an early-1800s English clergyman’s daughter who was educated at home, never moved away from her parent’s house, wrote novels from a home setting, and never got married? (although she always had kind of a thing for James McAvoy, apparently, although who wouldn't, lol). However, certain ironies appear when you consider that, although Jane Austen’s novel-writing lifestyle appears very traditional and “feminine” by modern-day standards, the idea of a woman becoming famous for her writing accomplishments was actually pretty radical and risqué for her age, and poor Jane received barely any non-posthumous recognition for her works. It kind of cracks me up that both the courtship/keep-daughters-at-home-forever advocates (I don’t know what these people officially call themselves, lol) and the literary-feminist bunch both cite Jane Austen’s novels as examples of their own particular belief system (and little me just thought the books were interesting and romantic).
Another reason that courtship families embrace Jane Austen so much is because, in the upper-class Regency world of her novels, “courting” actually was a normal part of the interaction between single men and women (notice I said A PART). Jane Austen’s protagonists, though always quirky, self-aware, independently-thinking women (at least by the end of the novel) generally achieve their happy endings by learning to balance their personal needs and desires with the pre-established courtship system that their society was grounded in. Their culture was guided by certain rules of propriety that were intended to keep women from having children out of wedlock and thus disrupting the family inheritance lines. Of course, there were certainly plenty of women who got fed up with those non-negotiable rules and decided instead to obtain the man they wanted in the worst way possible (Lydia Bennett much?) But I think it’s important to remember that the upper-class world of “courting” was far removed from the laxer and less formal standards held by most of the lower- or middle-class people of that time (and I should totally provide a source for that, but I totally don’t feel like finding one right now…). Additionally, the upper-class Regency world (UNLIKE the 2010 courtship culture) recognized that men and women need some basic ways to interact prior to entering into an official courtship relationship. Hence, the reason that pretty much 80% of any given Austen novel takes place during social events such as balls or “supper and cards” parties that were deliberately designed to provide singles with a chance to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. They also realized that allowing couples a chance to touch in non-sexual ways can actually be conducive to a good relationship; it was not considered lust-inducing or “emotionally impure” to enjoy a beautiful contradance together, and men were actually expected to offer women their arms when walking. You’d never catch a modern-day courtship parent sipping punch on the sidelines while every young man in the room dances with their daughter.
It’s also worth pointing out that many Jane Austen protagonists do things that are in fact NOT in line with the basic ideals of the courtship movement (which sometimes makes me wonder how closely the courtship/Austen fans actually read her novels). For instance, the first time that Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth Bennet, he does NOT ask Lizzy’s dad for permission to propose to or even “woo” Lizzy. And after his proposal, Lizzy does NOT tell her parents about it. In fact, Jane Austen women in general do not have the intimate, transparent mother-daughter relationship that is promoted by books such as Carolyn Mahaney & co’s book “Girl Talk” (usually because their mothers are either dead, or complete and total wackadoodles). Instead, you see Jane Austen women forging their closest non-romantic bonds with young women in their same generation: Jane and Lizzy, Elinore and Marianne, etc. How are they coping without their mothers’ constant advice on every subject in the world, and without confessing their crushes and so forth to their mothers?
So, basically, the IRONY. The courtship culture presents the reading of Jane Austen as yet another thing in a long list that good, Biblical, feminine, courting women do. And yet Miss Austen’s novels were written almost 200 years before the Christian courtship movement even began, and I’m pretty sure she would never have wanted to become a sort of literary poster child for a way of life that would have prevented the successful romantic matches in her novels from ever taking place. So maybe it’s time to stop using Miss Austen’s works to make us feel better about our courting selves, and instead simply enjoy them for what they are: well-written, satisfying, and classic stories with some very realistically drawn characters, and, let’s be honest, some pretty likeable guys. :)
(De-hypocritizing side note: Once some friends [all girls], my sisters and I dressed up in Regency-ish attire and had a ballroom-dancing party of our own. [And actually half of us dressed up as guys. So. Yeah.] The reason that the ballroom-dancing parties that I mentioned in the first paragraph annoy me is because they are freely publicized events [whereas there would be several attempted-murders committed if I put our ballroom-dancing photos on Facebook] that are hosted by people who have not really made it a secret that they think their way of doing things is the only “right” way to do them. Ergo, woe to all those girls who happen to feel that attending an all-female “dance” is kind of...odd, and prefer instead to go canoeing, watch a movie, or even [gasp] go on a date with an actual guy!)
-Violet
Now. If you’ve been reading this blog at all, I hope you’ve gathered the fact that, although I was raised according to “courtship” principles, I think that the courtship lifestyle is in fact very unhealthy and I in no way wish to court anyone or identity myself as a “courting” person. Check out...well, mostly all of the previous postings for more specifics on this fact. However, would I consider myself a Jane Austen fan? HECK YES. I do own the complete collection of her novels (though I have not read ALL of them yet—silly me) and I have seen movie or British TV adaptations for, I believe, all but one of her major works. I consider Miss Austen’s witty dialog, quirky characters, sense of humor, and intricate plot lines to be absolutely irresistible. And one of my all-time favorite movies is the 1995 BBC/A&E adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. (I mean, seriously. One word. Two syllables. MR. FREAKIN’ DARCY. IN THE LAKE.)
Ahem. Anyway. Being myself something of a “Janeite,” I in no way intend to criticize Austen novels or insinuate that enjoying her works is bad in any way. Quite the contrary. Rather, I wish to ponder what it is about Miss Austen’s novels that draw the courtship crowd to her like flies to a light bulb.
I think one reason that Jane Austen appeals to the courtship culture is because a basic biography of her life (Wikipedia, hee hee) makes her appear to be the kind of “Biblically-feminine” girl that the courtship world idealizes. I mean, who could better personify the courtship culture than an early-1800s English clergyman’s daughter who was educated at home, never moved away from her parent’s house, wrote novels from a home setting, and never got married? (although she always had kind of a thing for James McAvoy, apparently, although who wouldn't, lol). However, certain ironies appear when you consider that, although Jane Austen’s novel-writing lifestyle appears very traditional and “feminine” by modern-day standards, the idea of a woman becoming famous for her writing accomplishments was actually pretty radical and risqué for her age, and poor Jane received barely any non-posthumous recognition for her works. It kind of cracks me up that both the courtship/keep-daughters-at-home-forever advocates (I don’t know what these people officially call themselves, lol) and the literary-feminist bunch both cite Jane Austen’s novels as examples of their own particular belief system (and little me just thought the books were interesting and romantic).
Another reason that courtship families embrace Jane Austen so much is because, in the upper-class Regency world of her novels, “courting” actually was a normal part of the interaction between single men and women (notice I said A PART). Jane Austen’s protagonists, though always quirky, self-aware, independently-thinking women (at least by the end of the novel) generally achieve their happy endings by learning to balance their personal needs and desires with the pre-established courtship system that their society was grounded in. Their culture was guided by certain rules of propriety that were intended to keep women from having children out of wedlock and thus disrupting the family inheritance lines. Of course, there were certainly plenty of women who got fed up with those non-negotiable rules and decided instead to obtain the man they wanted in the worst way possible (Lydia Bennett much?) But I think it’s important to remember that the upper-class world of “courting” was far removed from the laxer and less formal standards held by most of the lower- or middle-class people of that time (and I should totally provide a source for that, but I totally don’t feel like finding one right now…). Additionally, the upper-class Regency world (UNLIKE the 2010 courtship culture) recognized that men and women need some basic ways to interact prior to entering into an official courtship relationship. Hence, the reason that pretty much 80% of any given Austen novel takes place during social events such as balls or “supper and cards” parties that were deliberately designed to provide singles with a chance to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. They also realized that allowing couples a chance to touch in non-sexual ways can actually be conducive to a good relationship; it was not considered lust-inducing or “emotionally impure” to enjoy a beautiful contradance together, and men were actually expected to offer women their arms when walking. You’d never catch a modern-day courtship parent sipping punch on the sidelines while every young man in the room dances with their daughter.
It’s also worth pointing out that many Jane Austen protagonists do things that are in fact NOT in line with the basic ideals of the courtship movement (which sometimes makes me wonder how closely the courtship/Austen fans actually read her novels). For instance, the first time that Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth Bennet, he does NOT ask Lizzy’s dad for permission to propose to or even “woo” Lizzy. And after his proposal, Lizzy does NOT tell her parents about it. In fact, Jane Austen women in general do not have the intimate, transparent mother-daughter relationship that is promoted by books such as Carolyn Mahaney & co’s book “Girl Talk” (usually because their mothers are either dead, or complete and total wackadoodles). Instead, you see Jane Austen women forging their closest non-romantic bonds with young women in their same generation: Jane and Lizzy, Elinore and Marianne, etc. How are they coping without their mothers’ constant advice on every subject in the world, and without confessing their crushes and so forth to their mothers?
So, basically, the IRONY. The courtship culture presents the reading of Jane Austen as yet another thing in a long list that good, Biblical, feminine, courting women do. And yet Miss Austen’s novels were written almost 200 years before the Christian courtship movement even began, and I’m pretty sure she would never have wanted to become a sort of literary poster child for a way of life that would have prevented the successful romantic matches in her novels from ever taking place. So maybe it’s time to stop using Miss Austen’s works to make us feel better about our courting selves, and instead simply enjoy them for what they are: well-written, satisfying, and classic stories with some very realistically drawn characters, and, let’s be honest, some pretty likeable guys. :)
(De-hypocritizing side note: Once some friends [all girls], my sisters and I dressed up in Regency-ish attire and had a ballroom-dancing party of our own. [And actually half of us dressed up as guys. So. Yeah.] The reason that the ballroom-dancing parties that I mentioned in the first paragraph annoy me is because they are freely publicized events [whereas there would be several attempted-murders committed if I put our ballroom-dancing photos on Facebook] that are hosted by people who have not really made it a secret that they think their way of doing things is the only “right” way to do them. Ergo, woe to all those girls who happen to feel that attending an all-female “dance” is kind of...odd, and prefer instead to go canoeing, watch a movie, or even [gasp] go on a date with an actual guy!)
-Violet
42 Signs You Might Be Living in "the Christian Bubble"
Don't you just LOVE these list things? :) I was totally going to precede this with a bunch of disclaimers (because, lol, one of the signs you might be living in the Christian Bubble is that you have always been surrounded by so many over-sensitive people that you feel the need to "disclaim" everything you do and say) but I have class in a few minutes, so I'm just going to post this now in all its controversiality. But I will say that this is supposed to apply to people around my age (obviously, some of these things, like the non-alcoholic one, would not be a problem for someone who is, like, 12) and that it is meant to apply specifically to girls (although some of the things are non-gender-specific) and that, while my list contains original items, I totally scammed this idea from the "SGM Survivors" blog. However, this is a more general list--you may totally have grown up without any exposure to SGM and still exhibit these types of behaviors.
So without further ado...
"42 Signs You Might Be Living in 'the Christian Bubble'"
1.You think that if you ever wore pants, you would automatically cause all males within a 50-mile radius to become inflamed with uncontrollable sexual lust for you.
2.You are arrogant enough to believe that your pant-covered legs are sexy enough to generate that amount of lust.
3.The idea has never entered your head that wearing pants is a heck of a lot better than…not wearing pants.
4.You actually think that “godly” young guys would find librarian-style buns on the heads of 18-year-old girls to be remotely attractive. (hey, not to say that all librarians are unattractive or anything! Because I have noticed some pretty nifty-lookin’ [male!] librarians in my time! [OK, just one. But. Anyway])
5.You think that Jesus had blonde hair and Edward-Cullen-style skin.
6.No, you don’t. You don’t know who Edward Cullen is.
7.You can’t think of an example of your parents ever sinning.
8.You honestly believe you can tell your parents anything.
9.You think your parents’ courtship story is “so sweet,” you regularly quiz your mother about it, and you see absolutely nothing creepy about this…
10.The only Internet acronym you understand is “lol.”
11.You and your mother share an email address.
12.You mother knows the password to your Facebook account.
13.Your gender ratio of Facebook friends (female:male) is about 125:3.
14.You don’t have a Facebook account.
15.What’s Facebook?
16.You’ve never understood what people mean by “that’s what she said.”
17.You consider music by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and/or Paul Baloche to be “non-Christian.”
18.You don’t judge non-homeschoolers. You just pray for them extra, extra hard.
19.You find it embarrassing to say the word “period.”
20.You think “crap” is a bad word.
21.You can’t believe I just said a bad word on my Christian blog.
22.You’ve never had a hair cut.
23.You’ve never owned a cell phone.
24.You’ve never been to a sleep-over.
25.You’re 18 years old and still don’t have a driver’s license.
26.Your parents have actually made you break off a friendship with another girl because she liked to talk about boys.
27.The past few weeks you have really been experiencing some suffering for Christ. You informed a friend at church that she was dressing immodestly, and now she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
28.You’ve had your heart broken once. A guy once talked to you for 20 minutes together after evening church service. Unfortunately, he didn’t propose to you the next day.
29.Stuck between the impossible options of surviving the moral anarchy and irresistible temptations of secular college, paying the GDP of a small European country for Christian college, and marrying a guy at 19 without ever talking to one, you have elected to live in your parent’s house and study the homemaking arts during your years of singleness. Oh, sorry, you knew all along that was God’s best for single daughters. My bad.
30.You listen to Majesty Music on a regular basis.
31.As a child, you weren’t allowed to watch Aladdin or the Lion King.
32.You consider the works of J.R.R. Tolkein, C.S. Lewis, and/or Madeline L’Engle to be New Age and/or demonic and/or evil.
33.You have never seen Star Wars, Titanic, Indiana Jones, The Lord of the Rings, and/or a James Bond movie.
34.Avatar? What’s that?
35.Your parents didn’t give you “the talk” until you were about 15.
36.You got an education from reading Song of Solomon.
37.You seriously feel like you have a problem with sexual lust.
38.Sure you have unsaved friends! Why else do you go with your family to the local retirement home every week?
39.Sure you’ve tried an alcoholic beverage! Your family visited a Presbyterian church once.
40.Sure you’ve been to movie theaters! Facing the Giants ftw!
41.Sure you know how to function in the “real world”—you know the right way to do everything!
And last but not least…
42.You don’t think you are living in the Christian bubble.
-Violet
So without further ado...
"42 Signs You Might Be Living in 'the Christian Bubble'"
1.You think that if you ever wore pants, you would automatically cause all males within a 50-mile radius to become inflamed with uncontrollable sexual lust for you.
2.You are arrogant enough to believe that your pant-covered legs are sexy enough to generate that amount of lust.
3.The idea has never entered your head that wearing pants is a heck of a lot better than…not wearing pants.
4.You actually think that “godly” young guys would find librarian-style buns on the heads of 18-year-old girls to be remotely attractive. (hey, not to say that all librarians are unattractive or anything! Because I have noticed some pretty nifty-lookin’ [male!] librarians in my time! [OK, just one. But. Anyway])
5.You think that Jesus had blonde hair and Edward-Cullen-style skin.
6.No, you don’t. You don’t know who Edward Cullen is.
7.You can’t think of an example of your parents ever sinning.
8.You honestly believe you can tell your parents anything.
9.You think your parents’ courtship story is “so sweet,” you regularly quiz your mother about it, and you see absolutely nothing creepy about this…
10.The only Internet acronym you understand is “lol.”
11.You and your mother share an email address.
12.You mother knows the password to your Facebook account.
13.Your gender ratio of Facebook friends (female:male) is about 125:3.
14.You don’t have a Facebook account.
15.What’s Facebook?
16.You’ve never understood what people mean by “that’s what she said.”
17.You consider music by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and/or Paul Baloche to be “non-Christian.”
18.You don’t judge non-homeschoolers. You just pray for them extra, extra hard.
19.You find it embarrassing to say the word “period.”
20.You think “crap” is a bad word.
21.You can’t believe I just said a bad word on my Christian blog.
22.You’ve never had a hair cut.
23.You’ve never owned a cell phone.
24.You’ve never been to a sleep-over.
25.You’re 18 years old and still don’t have a driver’s license.
26.Your parents have actually made you break off a friendship with another girl because she liked to talk about boys.
27.The past few weeks you have really been experiencing some suffering for Christ. You informed a friend at church that she was dressing immodestly, and now she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
28.You’ve had your heart broken once. A guy once talked to you for 20 minutes together after evening church service. Unfortunately, he didn’t propose to you the next day.
29.Stuck between the impossible options of surviving the moral anarchy and irresistible temptations of secular college, paying the GDP of a small European country for Christian college, and marrying a guy at 19 without ever talking to one, you have elected to live in your parent’s house and study the homemaking arts during your years of singleness. Oh, sorry, you knew all along that was God’s best for single daughters. My bad.
30.You listen to Majesty Music on a regular basis.
31.As a child, you weren’t allowed to watch Aladdin or the Lion King.
32.You consider the works of J.R.R. Tolkein, C.S. Lewis, and/or Madeline L’Engle to be New Age and/or demonic and/or evil.
33.You have never seen Star Wars, Titanic, Indiana Jones, The Lord of the Rings, and/or a James Bond movie.
34.Avatar? What’s that?
35.Your parents didn’t give you “the talk” until you were about 15.
36.You got an education from reading Song of Solomon.
37.You seriously feel like you have a problem with sexual lust.
38.Sure you have unsaved friends! Why else do you go with your family to the local retirement home every week?
39.Sure you’ve tried an alcoholic beverage! Your family visited a Presbyterian church once.
40.Sure you’ve been to movie theaters! Facing the Giants ftw!
41.Sure you know how to function in the “real world”—you know the right way to do everything!
And last but not least…
42.You don’t think you are living in the Christian bubble.
-Violet
Monday, April 26, 2010
the digression of the American romance
In 1964 John Lennon listened to rock music. As a result of this he smoked pot. As a result of that he wanted a girlfriend. As a result of that he had sex. As a result of that, Bill Gothard heard about it. (Although how he did no one quite knows.....) As a result of this we have courting.
The end.
-Meg
postscript: THIS IS HIGHLY SARCASTIC. I love John Lennon.
The end.
-Meg
postscript: THIS IS HIGHLY SARCASTIC. I love John Lennon.
let's be honest here-the ins and outs of a first hand courtship mentality refugee
[And yes, the article is longer than the title surprisingly :)]
I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)
Do you see my point?
Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.
(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)
-Meg
I'm almost 19. I'm single. All my friends date, or so it seems. Sadly, I will never date. Why? Because my family is a courting family.
My mom would probably never admit that we are a courtship family, even to herself. And I'm sure that that's partly because she doesn't even realize that we are. Why? Because all those "courting" families are so legalistic. You can pick out those families-and heck we ain't one. We don't wear skirts all day every day. NO, we wear jeans (just two sizes too big.) We're allowed to wear shirts that aren't t-shirts (just so long as they go up as high as t-shirts do.) We dont' have to have long hair or pin it up (we just can't straighten it or spend time on it, that's vain you know.) Sure! Mom says we can wear makeup (just be sure she'll judge you for it if you do.) And finally, YES you can date! (but here's a mile long list of rules and there's no guy good enough for you anyways.)
Do you see my point?
Basically, the parents of courtship families don't trust their kids. They have to have that control. But if their kids are such good Christians and all-shouldn't they trust them enough to let them out of their sight? These kids are supposed to be the "good kids" for crying out loud!
But OH NO! Boy and girl halfway across America and totally unrelated to you got caught having sex! FREAK!
And so the courtship method was born.
Courtship: total group activities, no guy friends, MUCH parental involvement, relationships with guys SOLELY with the end result of marriage.
But come now, let's be honest. When was the last time you were yourself in a group? Ummmm...like when you were 2 maybe? The minute we are old enough to be aware of it, no one is himself in a group. You're liable to be laughed at. We are socialized to act differently in groups (I had a sociology test on this a few weeks ago, trust me. I know.)And yeah, I've heard the argument that "no one is himself or herself on a date" Ok. So for one thing, that fact seems....poopy. And for another, OK FINE!!! YES! Get comfortable with a guy when you're just friends in a group setting so that when you're interested in each other and alone, you can be yourself. If a guy wants to get to know me, he needs to spend one-on-one time with me. We need to see a movie, read a book, go for a walk, go out to lunch, NOT be in a group setting. I'm not myself in a group, I try to fit in. (And fail miserably I'm sure.)
So maybe the "dating game" sets you up for divorce. Well, then courtship sets you up for hypocrisy. If dating is the cart that rams you into the right aisle, then courtship rams you into the left. (And betrothal shoots you into the frozen food bin, btw) There has to be a middle ground. No, I do not know what that is, nor will I expound upon it as the only way if I do figure it out. I'm just saying.
But, shopping metaphors aside, courtship sucks. The end.
(sorry for the MAJOR fail at a cool ending)
-Meg
My Mother's Dolls
In recent years, my mom has started a small business of her own in which she sews dresses for 18-inch dolls and sells them to other moms and doll collectors. Since my mom is a committed SAHM (stay-at-home-mother), this business has been a way to generate some extra cash for the family, with my mom still barely ever having to leave the house.
The evidence of my mom’s business is everywhere—when I come home from class, the remnants of the day’s photo shoot (to provide pictures of her merchandise for clients) are usually still set up in the living room, and every time I go into the laundry/sewing room to do some laundry, I behold her collection of “model” dolls, lined up in a row on a small white shelf, their smiling, painted faces showing how happy they are to simply wear the dresses my mom has made that day for them.
Please understand that I’m not trying to condemn my mom by saying this. There are a lot of really commendable things about my mom—for instance, she made a big sacrifice to stay home with us instead of pursuing a more lucrative career, and she currently babysits a 3-year-old completely free of charge, for a single friend while she is at work. And the fact that she watches this 3-year-old in addition to making the doll dresses and homeschooling her two remaining teenagers is quite a feat in and of itself!
I’m also not saying that it’s a bad thing for my mom to make these doll dresses. In fact, the extra income from her sales enabled my family to buy a very awesome camper which we could not otherwise have afforded.
I’m merely saying that whenever I look at those dolls, neatly lined up on the shelf waiting for her next creation, they strike me as a visual representation of the way my mom seems to want her life to be—a perpetual extension of the years when “helping Mommy vacuum” was a big treat, when walking to the playground with Mom was the highlight of the week, and when my sisters and I wore matching dresses and those horrible 90s hairbows. I’ve no doubt that my mom put her entire heart and soul into giving my sisters and me the best possible childhood. But the parenting techniques and general behavior patterns that she exhibits now, while no doubt very effective when we were little girls, are simply no longer applicable or even remotely helpful, now that we are all in high school or college.
I know that, in certain respects, I have a lot to be grateful for. For instance, although I still live at home, my parents have allowed me to attend a local, secular college, and they fully expect that I will get a full-time job outside the home when I graduate. So even if I never get to have a family of my own, I will at least one day have an income of my own. But the fact is that, very often, my life feels just as static, inexperienced, and immature as the life of one of my mother’s dolls. And my sisters and I desperately need my mom to see us for what we are: two almost-adults and two literal adults, whose dreams, needs, and preoccupations extend far beyond choosing between the pink and the purple dress.
-Violet
The evidence of my mom’s business is everywhere—when I come home from class, the remnants of the day’s photo shoot (to provide pictures of her merchandise for clients) are usually still set up in the living room, and every time I go into the laundry/sewing room to do some laundry, I behold her collection of “model” dolls, lined up in a row on a small white shelf, their smiling, painted faces showing how happy they are to simply wear the dresses my mom has made that day for them.
Please understand that I’m not trying to condemn my mom by saying this. There are a lot of really commendable things about my mom—for instance, she made a big sacrifice to stay home with us instead of pursuing a more lucrative career, and she currently babysits a 3-year-old completely free of charge, for a single friend while she is at work. And the fact that she watches this 3-year-old in addition to making the doll dresses and homeschooling her two remaining teenagers is quite a feat in and of itself!
I’m also not saying that it’s a bad thing for my mom to make these doll dresses. In fact, the extra income from her sales enabled my family to buy a very awesome camper which we could not otherwise have afforded.
I’m merely saying that whenever I look at those dolls, neatly lined up on the shelf waiting for her next creation, they strike me as a visual representation of the way my mom seems to want her life to be—a perpetual extension of the years when “helping Mommy vacuum” was a big treat, when walking to the playground with Mom was the highlight of the week, and when my sisters and I wore matching dresses and those horrible 90s hairbows. I’ve no doubt that my mom put her entire heart and soul into giving my sisters and me the best possible childhood. But the parenting techniques and general behavior patterns that she exhibits now, while no doubt very effective when we were little girls, are simply no longer applicable or even remotely helpful, now that we are all in high school or college.
I know that, in certain respects, I have a lot to be grateful for. For instance, although I still live at home, my parents have allowed me to attend a local, secular college, and they fully expect that I will get a full-time job outside the home when I graduate. So even if I never get to have a family of my own, I will at least one day have an income of my own. But the fact is that, very often, my life feels just as static, inexperienced, and immature as the life of one of my mother’s dolls. And my sisters and I desperately need my mom to see us for what we are: two almost-adults and two literal adults, whose dreams, needs, and preoccupations extend far beyond choosing between the pink and the purple dress.
-Violet
boys, girls, and sex: the vicious cycle
In the whole world of courtship-minded people (basically homeschoolers who have graduated) boys and girls are not allowed to have any communication outside of a relationship. Now, parents may not say that in so many words cause when they do they sound FREAKING MUSLIM. But nonetheless, it's what they communicate. Then, because they raise their children this way, any touch between a girl and a boy-even bumping of feet say-becomes sexual. Therefore, said boy and girl can't really be left alone because they've been raised such that alone=sex, making courtship necessary. It's a vicious cycle.
I know what I'm talking about, I was raised in the courtship world. Oh-not that my mom would admit that we were-because most "courting families" are legalistic, which we certainly.are.not. (Do you hear the drip drip of sarcasm in my voice?) But nonetheless we essentially are a courting family, much to my chagrin I assure you. I was not raised to view boys as friends. In the attempt to keep my mind from thinking of boys at all, I have instead been taught to only think of boys in a relationshiop sense-and so the cycle goes on. This just simply isn't a healthy way to view guys-always weighing in my mind would I date them or not. Gosh. This is just wrong. My normally raised friends can view guys as just friends to hang out with, not potential soul mates. This oh-so-pure courtship has ultimately ruined my mind.
Courtship was created to keep girls' minds pure and their hearts on God until they are married, or so I'm sure the original intent was. And for the most narrow-minded, unindependently thinking girls I'm sure it works. But I was raised to think on my own, I am my own person. My parents were inconsistent in raising us halfway in one mentality and halfway in the other. The "freedom" of courtship has become my bond.
Vicious cycle much, right?
-Meg
I know what I'm talking about, I was raised in the courtship world. Oh-not that my mom would admit that we were-because most "courting families" are legalistic, which we certainly.are.not. (Do you hear the drip drip of sarcasm in my voice?) But nonetheless we essentially are a courting family, much to my chagrin I assure you. I was not raised to view boys as friends. In the attempt to keep my mind from thinking of boys at all, I have instead been taught to only think of boys in a relationshiop sense-and so the cycle goes on. This just simply isn't a healthy way to view guys-always weighing in my mind would I date them or not. Gosh. This is just wrong. My normally raised friends can view guys as just friends to hang out with, not potential soul mates. This oh-so-pure courtship has ultimately ruined my mind.
Courtship was created to keep girls' minds pure and their hearts on God until they are married, or so I'm sure the original intent was. And for the most narrow-minded, unindependently thinking girls I'm sure it works. But I was raised to think on my own, I am my own person. My parents were inconsistent in raising us halfway in one mentality and halfway in the other. The "freedom" of courtship has become my bond.
Vicious cycle much, right?
-Meg
Saturday, April 24, 2010
TDOC, Chapter 9: I'm Standing Here Doing Nothing But Aging
The final bit! I promise!
Whilst vigorously searching the Internet to hear other people’s opinions on this topic, I was disappointed to see that, while there are literally dozens of websites and blogs dedicated to promoting the ideals of courtship, there is virtually nothing that even mentions the possibility of courtship having a darker side (except for the occasional Christian-betrothal advocate, who believes that the courtship system is too worldly and permissive—but that is truly another story). Consequently, I don’t know if there is anyone out there (with the exception of my sister) who has the same insider view on the courtship world, and feels the same way about it as I do. So to all you parents who believe that courtship is the only option for raising godly children, do consider my story and think of me once in a while. Think of me, who was tirelessly protected from the dangers of emotionally damaging break-ups, irresistible sexual temptation, and basic cultural competence, but was left totally vulnerable to something that often feels just as dangerous: the probability of long, long years ahead filled with female friends, Christian service, parental involvement, and complete and utter loneliness. Think of me, who seriously had nothing better to do than write this stupid article. And to all you shining-eyed sixteen-somethings who think I am just being whiny: grab a coffee with me in about 5 years, and we’ll talk. However, if there is anyone else out there who reads this and can sympathize with it, know that my heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone in your loneliness. Know that there is at least one other person on planet Earth who is trapped, like you, between the high expectations of well-meaning parents, and an outside world that was never designed to accommodate those expectations. We are capable of understanding each other, because we are the ones who sat at home on Friday nights and cleaned the bathrooms while all our friends ate in fancy restaurants or went on long walks in the park. We are the ones who have stayed up late countless nights as if we could convince ourselves that another day was not going to pass by in which nothing had changed for the better. We are the ones who will probably spend the rest of our lives babysitting our neighbors’ children and ironing our fathers’ shirts, while every hour that passes makes it more and more unlikely that a change will ever come along. And at the risk of sounding melodramatic, we are the lost generation.
-Violet
Whilst vigorously searching the Internet to hear other people’s opinions on this topic, I was disappointed to see that, while there are literally dozens of websites and blogs dedicated to promoting the ideals of courtship, there is virtually nothing that even mentions the possibility of courtship having a darker side (except for the occasional Christian-betrothal advocate, who believes that the courtship system is too worldly and permissive—but that is truly another story). Consequently, I don’t know if there is anyone out there (with the exception of my sister) who has the same insider view on the courtship world, and feels the same way about it as I do. So to all you parents who believe that courtship is the only option for raising godly children, do consider my story and think of me once in a while. Think of me, who was tirelessly protected from the dangers of emotionally damaging break-ups, irresistible sexual temptation, and basic cultural competence, but was left totally vulnerable to something that often feels just as dangerous: the probability of long, long years ahead filled with female friends, Christian service, parental involvement, and complete and utter loneliness. Think of me, who seriously had nothing better to do than write this stupid article. And to all you shining-eyed sixteen-somethings who think I am just being whiny: grab a coffee with me in about 5 years, and we’ll talk. However, if there is anyone else out there who reads this and can sympathize with it, know that my heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone in your loneliness. Know that there is at least one other person on planet Earth who is trapped, like you, between the high expectations of well-meaning parents, and an outside world that was never designed to accommodate those expectations. We are capable of understanding each other, because we are the ones who sat at home on Friday nights and cleaned the bathrooms while all our friends ate in fancy restaurants or went on long walks in the park. We are the ones who have stayed up late countless nights as if we could convince ourselves that another day was not going to pass by in which nothing had changed for the better. We are the ones who will probably spend the rest of our lives babysitting our neighbors’ children and ironing our fathers’ shirts, while every hour that passes makes it more and more unlikely that a change will ever come along. And at the risk of sounding melodramatic, we are the lost generation.
-Violet
TDOC, Chapter 8: The Disclaimer
I’m not saying that dating, in the usual sense, is without its own set of dangers and pitfalls. Neither am I attempting to dictate to you which option you should select. I merely wish to point out that declaring your family a “courtship” family is not the problem-free, results-guaranteed, total solution that it is often made out to be. If you choose courtship for your family, you need to be aware that your children are almost inevitably going to be hurt.
TDOC, Chapter 7: A Good Man is Hard to Find
Some people seem to have the attitude that if they conform to all the high standards of courting, refrain from having any relationships while in high school, and don’t act in any way that is geared to attract the attention of the opposite sex, that God is therefore obligated to create their ideal wife or husband made-to-order, and promptly drop him or her off on their doorstep the day after high school graduation. This is perhaps one of the saddest things about the whole thing, and I don’t want to talk about it much because it makes me really depressed. And anyway I’m sure that if you have actually made it this far in the essay, you’re probably really wanting me to wrap it up. Suffice it to say that the immediate appearance of a potential spouse who will satisfy both your parent’s expectations and your own basic emotional needs is a blatant fiction. In my case, for example, there has always been a very definite lack of potential spouses, ideal or otherwise, but I know that even if one did show up, I would never want to marry the kind of guy that genuinely believes in courtship. But neither would I want to ask a guy to formulate our entire relationship around a process that he does not genuinely believe in. But, obviously, my parents would never let me have a relationship with a guy that is not a courtship relationship. And thus the vicious cycle continues.
TDOC, Chapter 6: Would You Like Some Legalism With That?
And, dear reader, the problems go on. Other courtship-related dangers have to do with the often unmentioned consequences of choosing the courting lifestyle. For instance, I believe that courting can very easily become more about one’s personal status as a family in the Christian community, rather than being about doing what you honestly believe God wants you to do. Essentially, stating that your family is a “courting” family is merely a way of stating that your family wants to belong to a certain type of peer group, and be considered as certain types of people, in a manner similar to stating “Our family is a homeschool family,” “Our girls are modest girls,” or “Our family only watches G-rated movies.” It’s certainly worth mentioning that there are tons of perfectly legitimate Christian families who love their children deeply, but have never considered the courtship system to be ideal for them, or even remotely realistic. Like quite a good number of things often lauded by some people as “the Christian way,” the courtship system is largely a white, middle/upper-class, two-parent family, American custom. So basically, I usually try to avoid using the L-word, because it has largely become one of those blanket terms that people throw around when they can’t think of a better way to insult someone, and ergo has lost most really useful meaning. So whether or not there is a possibility of legalism lurking in the dark corners of the courtship system shall be for you, dear reader, to judge.
TDOC, Chapter 5: So Near and Yet So Far
Another logical fallacy I see in the courtship-related arguments is the statement that spending time with your significant other in group settings is the best way to see their true self, whereas spending time one-on-one with the person will give you only a false, superficial image of them. This is probably not the place for impolite language, so I shall say simply that this statement is poopy. It is simply a fact of life that, even in a group of the most like-minded, accepting people, it is necessary to suppress a part of oneself and conform to outward expectations to even begin to function in that group. I have documented evidence that whenever my sister offers me constructive criticism, she inevitably starts with the accusation that “I act differently around other people.” And honestly, who among us doesn’t? Wasn’t that one of the reasons that our parents decided to homeschool us (a factor that almost always correlates to courtship)—to avoid the warping influences of peer groups? And what about those among us who, like me, are decided introverts who never really enjoyed group activities in the first place? Surely forcing ourselves to attend group activities simply for the chance to be with our significant other is not a very good indication of the kinds of things we will do together once we are married. At least for me, if someone really wants to know what I am like, they should observe me doing the sorts of things I actually like to do—watching movies, playing Scrabble, making very bad music and staging very amateur plays…simply watching me have superficial conversations with various acquaintances at a group event will in no way give an accurate picture of the true me. And anyway, it just doesn’t make sense to expect that any close relationship can survive without spending any one-on-one time together!
Of course, we’ve all seen those people whose significant others become their entire existence. If you’re ever trapped in an awkward threesome with this sort of couple, they usually fail to acknowledge your existence, and you generally end up awkwardly pretending to text someone. These people sometimes make Facebook accounts solely for the purpose of interacting with their significant other, and, on the rare occasions when you manage to get a word in edgewise, all they want to talk to you about is their significant other. This act is unhealthy in any respect, because people are only human and will always find some way to disappoint you, and thus you need a basic foundation that will enable you to move on with the rest of your life, should your relationship with that person ever come to an end. So I’m not saying that the ideal relationship is exclusive to that sort of level, and neither am I saying that you shouldn’t spend time with your significant other’s family and close friends, since what those people are like can tell you a lot about how your significant other is (or at least, they can show you the tendencies that he is violently reacting against). However, the idea that it is wrong to spend time alone with your significant other just does not make a whole lot of sense to me.
Also, I have to say that the idea of doing only group-related activities is Just. So. Lame. Courtship/dating is supposed to be a romantic and special time in your relationship that you will only have once. Simply both attending a college group event at your local church which both of you would totally have gone to anyway, and calling said mutual attendance “a relationship” is an idea that quite frankly leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
Of course, we’ve all seen those people whose significant others become their entire existence. If you’re ever trapped in an awkward threesome with this sort of couple, they usually fail to acknowledge your existence, and you generally end up awkwardly pretending to text someone. These people sometimes make Facebook accounts solely for the purpose of interacting with their significant other, and, on the rare occasions when you manage to get a word in edgewise, all they want to talk to you about is their significant other. This act is unhealthy in any respect, because people are only human and will always find some way to disappoint you, and thus you need a basic foundation that will enable you to move on with the rest of your life, should your relationship with that person ever come to an end. So I’m not saying that the ideal relationship is exclusive to that sort of level, and neither am I saying that you shouldn’t spend time with your significant other’s family and close friends, since what those people are like can tell you a lot about how your significant other is (or at least, they can show you the tendencies that he is violently reacting against). However, the idea that it is wrong to spend time alone with your significant other just does not make a whole lot of sense to me.
Also, I have to say that the idea of doing only group-related activities is Just. So. Lame. Courtship/dating is supposed to be a romantic and special time in your relationship that you will only have once. Simply both attending a college group event at your local church which both of you would totally have gone to anyway, and calling said mutual attendance “a relationship” is an idea that quite frankly leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
TDOC, Chapter 4: The Inevitable Sex Question
Of course, not all of the above is necessarily bad. For instance, fathers do have a charge to protect their daughters, and it’s really not a good idea to pursue a romantic relationship if you know there is no chance of marriage ever coming out of it. However, I would now like to highlight what I, in my totally inexperienced and hypothetical view, see as some of the very palpable dangers of the courting system. First of all, one of the main reasons cited for choosing the courting system is the belief that chaperoned courting will prevent the couple in question from giving in to their baser urges and having sex before marriage (which I do believe is wrong, so don’t go telling everybody that I advocate it). According to the courting view, ensuring that the couple never spends time together unchaperoned is absolutely essential, because, were the couple to be alone together, even if they are in their 20s and have already been pubescent for several years, they would without fail abandon their personal beliefs, loose all control of their bodily functions, and forget how very inconvenient a possible pre-marital pregnancy is in the courting community, and would promptly break out into spontaneous sex, even on the seats of the movie theater during the louder bits of the movie, and if corner booths in reputable restaurants could talk! However, this view seems to me to belie a central component of Christian doctrine: the idea that God is capable of helping you control yourself when faced with temptation. Courting parents generally expect God to help their children submit to authority, keep their rooms clean, have a patient attitude with younger siblings, and not create online internet viruses that wreak havoc on the national economy, but for some reason, they don’t trust God to help their children not have pre-marital sex. I honestly have to question what it is about this particular sin that requires such special treatment.
TDOC, Chapter 3: That's the Way We Like It
For the most part, however, when people use the term “courting,” they generally refer to anything that is not “dating,” and which often specifically involves requirement of parental permission, attendance of group activities, marriage as the end goal of the relationship, close parental supervision, no unchaperoned events, and a strictly hands-off policy.
TDOC, Chapter 2: A Date By Any Other Name
That said, allow me to begin by saying that I in no way intend to engage in a battle of verbage. You may refer to the process of social interaction between a non-related male and female as “dating,” or you may call it “courting.” I do not care. It is one of my intentions in this essay to demonstrate that “courting,” as such, is not really an actual thing, but is more like a state of mind, enjoyed by a certain subset of people who basically sleep better at night if they are able to tell everyone that their family “courts.” Consequently, you may court and call it dating, you may date and call it courting, or use any other combination you can think of, but your vocabulary has little or no correlation to what actually happens to you. Naturally, it is this “what actually happens” category that this essay is concerned with.
TDOC, Chapter 1: The Lost Generation
I do realize that I have just entitled this little number “An Essay,” but allow me to commence by asking your permission to be a little flexible with the genre and share a narrative story of sorts. The story goes as follows. There was once a girl who always did well in school, mostly for the reason that she had basically no life, and who also had big dreams of having some sort of vaguely-defined adventurous experience, probably due to the fact that she had read far too many books over the years whose titles began with the phrase “The Adventures Of.” Time, after all, being rather otherwise than static, this girl eventually graduated from high school and attended her home school high school graduation. As her various (non)classmates share their journeys, hopes and aspirations for the future, she cringes as most of them recite a long list of grades, competitions and clubs, and she looks nervously down at her statement, which according to the recommendations of her mother consists mostly of “Violet is so grateful to her family.” However, as the ceremony drags on and on in a very boring way, she begins to notice another trend in the statements of the feminine segment of the graduating class: girl after girl describes their future plans as simply wanting to get married and have children. Imagine that! The girl tosses her head and congratulates herself on the fact that she is not like those frivolous and shallow-minded other girls. She has not wasted one moment of her teenage years on boys, dating, and the subsequent emotional damage. Rather, she has spent this time on more important things, such as preventing Awana children from killing themselves in the church parking lot, watching a set collection of about 20 VHS’s, and cleaning out the family garage an insane number of times. Right now, she is going to attend a local college, write the great American novel, and participate in as many short-term mission trips as possible. As she mounts the platform to receive her hard-earned diploma, a surge of emotional elation, or maybe adrenaline, courses through her, and she realizes the immense potential that such an decidedly single individual as she is going to bring to the world.
Fast-forward to almost exactly three years later. The very same girl, once so ecstatic and confident, is now basically an insecure, confused, 21-year-old emotional basket-case who is beginning this essay, which she will most probably never share with anyone, at 1:45 in the morning on a Friday night. What happened? No one knows for sure, but it is evident that this girl has realized that a life consisting solely of college, mission trips, and yes, even writing gets really old after a while. This girl has almost no male friends of any sort, and has at least 4 unanswered friend requests on Facebook because they are from acquaintances of the male persuasion, and last time she befriended a very, very casual male acquaintance on Facebook her mother interrogated her about it. After college graduation, which will occur in approximately one year, this girl plans to get a job in town and try to earn some money. This girl looks back at diary entries she wrote around the time of high school graduation, and feels that she is reaping what she has sown. This girl, by the way, is me. And, although she asked her dad a few days ago exactly where her family lay on the spectrum of dating vs. courtship and her dad told her he hadn’t really thought about it yet, her dad stated that definitely, if the question is made into a dichotomy, this girl’s family is a courting family.
This otherwise rather pointless little narrative makes a very nice cognitive connection to the real topic of this essay, which I have entitled “The Dangers of Courtship.” Ah, I’ve tricked you there, haven’t I. You thought I was going to say “The Dangers of Dating.” Alas, dear reader, alliteration is only the first of many things you shall be forced to dispense with when reading this essay. But I feel that you are fully capable of dealing with said deprivation. After all, I now feel that I’ve been living rather some time without any indication that my life would ever consist of anything more romantic than walking the family dog.
Fast-forward to almost exactly three years later. The very same girl, once so ecstatic and confident, is now basically an insecure, confused, 21-year-old emotional basket-case who is beginning this essay, which she will most probably never share with anyone, at 1:45 in the morning on a Friday night. What happened? No one knows for sure, but it is evident that this girl has realized that a life consisting solely of college, mission trips, and yes, even writing gets really old after a while. This girl has almost no male friends of any sort, and has at least 4 unanswered friend requests on Facebook because they are from acquaintances of the male persuasion, and last time she befriended a very, very casual male acquaintance on Facebook her mother interrogated her about it. After college graduation, which will occur in approximately one year, this girl plans to get a job in town and try to earn some money. This girl looks back at diary entries she wrote around the time of high school graduation, and feels that she is reaping what she has sown. This girl, by the way, is me. And, although she asked her dad a few days ago exactly where her family lay on the spectrum of dating vs. courtship and her dad told her he hadn’t really thought about it yet, her dad stated that definitely, if the question is made into a dichotomy, this girl’s family is a courting family.
This otherwise rather pointless little narrative makes a very nice cognitive connection to the real topic of this essay, which I have entitled “The Dangers of Courtship.” Ah, I’ve tricked you there, haven’t I. You thought I was going to say “The Dangers of Dating.” Alas, dear reader, alliteration is only the first of many things you shall be forced to dispense with when reading this essay. But I feel that you are fully capable of dealing with said deprivation. After all, I now feel that I’ve been living rather some time without any indication that my life would ever consist of anything more romantic than walking the family dog.
An Essay of sorts, by Violet
Salutations! Over the past several days, Meg and I have been, for whatever reason, having various conversations on the topic of dating, courtship, and the lack thereof. I have now attempted to quantify my exact feelings on this topic in a...document of sorts, which I shall now post for your reading pleasure as a 9-part series. I suppose I should state at the outset that neither Meg nor I has a boyfriend of any sort, and neither has a boy ever been the least bit interested in dating/courting either one of us. That being said, let us commence with "The Dangers of Courtship: An Essay: By Me." The results may surprise you.
welcome!
We are Violet and Meg. Those are not necessarily our real names, but they are the names by which you will know us. We are on a mission to purge the world of stupidity in most areas of life, from the remote reaches of our laptops. You will be the judge of whether or not we succeed. We also like movies. Welcome aboard young padawans!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
